Saturday, December 19, 2015

Days of Wonder - Days of Pain!

CANCER OR NOT?  Thank you everyone for the all the good wishes.  So what's the story? you might be wondering.  Wednesday afternoon after leaving HQ, I was suddenly gripped by acute and severe hip pain to the point, I could barely walk  with great difficulty.

I finally got home, called my doctor's office, and spoke with his nurse.  At first she suggested going to their Urgent Care unit.  But suddenly the pain was so bad, I burst out bawling like a baby from the pain.

Then she said I should go to the Emergency unit at the local hospital where they have all the necessary equipment.  At first, I thought maybe i had pulled a groin muscle or something simple. I never imagined what was to come!

They sent me for a skeletal xray and a CAT scan.  To my surprise, they saw a large irregular mass over my left hip area, and admitted me for further testing.  A doctor came in and advised me that it looked like what I'd been thinking!

That being a Stage 4 metastatic 5 cm tumor over my hip bone which totally blew me away!  CANCER! I have a high aptitude for the medical sciences, so I was plenty scared!  (This after just after recently celebrating my 5 year survivorship from early breast cancer.  Everything had been going really good for me and I was living a normal life!

They did a PET scan after that, and a more detailed skeletal scan from head to toe, with a biopsy also scheduled.  The PET showed, that the tumor was localized and restricted to my hip groin area....there was no evidence of spread, and all my organs were clean, and normal!  I see this as significant that such a large tumor had not invaded any organs indicating possible benign (meaning NO CANCER!) I'm hoping anyway!  YEA!

Yesterday, they were finally able to get me in for the biopsy.  Not just one sample was taken, but several, and it was painful despite sedation!  Results are not expected until later on next week. (After Christmas).  So, now I have several days ahead of virtual uncertainly.  Is it or is it not cancer?  Stay tuned!  You now know as much as I do!  I am cautiously optimistic!

It's Been A Rough Week, but I Made It - How About You?

Friday, December 11, 2015

Where I'm at now 5 years later!

Greetings and Salutations to friends who have wondered what became of me.   Hmm...well, I've been involved in life.  I said about all I wanted to say on Men, Romance and Survival.

I originally started the blog to aid my own healing.  I've done that.  I've also beaten cancer and I'm expected to live a full life span!  I couldn't ask for a better prognosis.

Truth be told, I don't hate the psychopath.  I'm not sure I ever did.  Yes, I was angry and hurt with his cruel abuses towards me.  But I'm over that now.  Life goes on as they say.

It's been nearly 5 years since, and I'm better than ever!  Losing him was the BEST thing that ever happened to me.  My heart is full of gratitude that things worked as they did!  That's the truth!

So many great writers have since started their own blogs on the disordered.  I am happy to leave the stage, and let them have their day in the sun!  I don't read them as avidly as I once did, as I've gone back to old interests and proclivities.  Gardening, politics, human rights issues. etc.  I'm so active!

In the last few years, life has been good to me.  I am currently involved with a non-sociopathic man who is six years younger than the psychopath I was formerly with.  What is there not to say?  He's younger, better looking, potent in bed (unlike psycho boy!).  <bg>.  He adores his family and ME!

Unlike psycho boy, he does not rely on a woman to keep him up in the world.  Sadly for her, she had to give him plenty of goodies to keep him.  (Something I'd never do!)  He is now co-owner and trustee of half her financial assets.  Contrary to what he has told his minions, there is no marriage, and never was.  Just a shack up job with her paying a heavy price for having him in her life.

I pity that poor soul.  I know his minions don't want to hear the truth about him, and that's okay with me.  I'm off busy leading my own very normal life, and delighted with how it's turned out!

My new or old guy if you like, Jerry, (who is 3 years younger than me)  owns his own farm in the country. We grew up as children together, then were teenage sweethearts!  I'll never forget taking him to the Sadie Hawkins dance when I was in Junior High many years ago.  It was magical then, and it's magical now!  Who knew?  We go together like peas & carrots!

Eventually, we went our own ways, met other people, had families, and now we have come full circle.  Both of us widowed, I reached out to him expressing my sympathy when his spouse died, then he found me on Facebook, after that, we connected as friends again.

Those old feelings are once again rising to the surface!  There's a lot of love and romance in the air here!  He treats me well, like a lady.  He's always the gentleman, and pampers me!  Wow!

There's more than this as amazing as it is, I've found myself again.  I'm heavily involved in politics, and human rights issues. I love doing my own cooking and gardening.  I help people as well, and found my niche in the world.  Life is good!

So, if you are suffering from narcissistic abuse from from a psycho/sociopath, know that there is an end to it.  You can live very well without them.  There is hope!  Psycho boy only exists as a faded memory for me now.  Most of the time, he is far from my thoughts.  I know he's as shallow, manipulative and self-serving as he always was.

But you know what?  I don't care!  He's not my problem anymore.  He's hers (my replacement)!  I am not responsible for what happens to her, and I certainly don't care about him!  One day, at 70, soon to be 71 in a couple of months or so, he will pass away.  Then he will become a faded memory for all who knew him.

He's in my past now, where he belongs.  I look forward to my future with Jerry.  I wish everyone well, health and much happiness. God bless you all!